How has it come to this?

How has it come to this?

While I was still living in Canada, planning to come home, a lot of people asked me what I was going to do when I got back to Melbourne.

Truth was, I didn’t really know, although I figured trying to get a career started, hopefully in Travel and Tourism, would be a logical idea. Either that, or go back to University or TAFE to do a course in that field.

One thing I was adamant about tho. I wasn’t going back to working in a dodgy Call Centre environment for some faceless Telco corporation, or anything along those lines. I hated it last time, but I knew it was a means to an end, and so ‘grinned nad bared it’, so to speak. I didn’t want that life again. It’s the fastest way to having your soul destroyed, having it eaten alive, chewed up and spat back out at you, all coalesced into a saliva-coated, gelatinous mess. Job satisfaction level? – A big FAT ZERO

So, it pains me no end to say that, at this point in time, that is exactly where I have ended up. After nearly 2 months of not having anything suitable come up, or at least come thru to fruition, I’ve chucked in the towel, conceded defeat (maybe a little too easily perhaps, but this is then a fair indication of my state of mind).

I've gotten a job (temping, mind) with AAMI Car Insurance, in a Call Centre…Outbound.....Ringing up customers, bugging them about their insurance policies and trying to line up appointments for sales calls for the Home insurance arm of the company. It's a helluva come down here, from free soul-spirit to this, almost hitting rock bottom you might say - I feel like I've sold my soul to the devil now - Goddamn....INSURANCE SALES!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!....that is pretty low....mmmmm, well I guess at least I'm not doing door-to-door Commission Sales......, and Thank God I’m not actually doing the Sales bit! And, well, at least the money isn't too bad...

Two months ago I was free as a bird, taking to the road at a whim, making decisions at the drop of a hat - where will i go next/should i stay another day and having my whole life in my total control - no one else to answer to but ME. Now though, I find myself at the beck-and-call of temp agency Consultants, asking 'how high' when they say 'Jump', floating aimlessly from day to day without direction, just barely treading water, trying not to sink too deeply into depression at the situation I find myself in.

I'm feeling a little sorry for myself at the moment - and I know I shouldn't - and I am trying to keep my head up, but its hard. Like I said in my Xmas email, I know it's a situation that will pass.

Aaaarrrgghhhhhh! I hate feeling like this!! I'm usually such a positive forward-looking guy, but the overall picture isn't helped by the fact that it is Xmas and everything is shutting down.

I guess I just need to get this off my chest, shedding the bad skin so that i can move forward, so you can look forward to more upbeat words from me in the New Year.

Thanks for listening (well, reading)

Tony